I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The air taste purple.
Randomize
