So drunk its hurt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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