your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she peed on how many people?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
