is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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