You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
