Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
