I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
