If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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