Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The air was thick with penises
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
