Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
