your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
