My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
