I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
