I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
