i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
