8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
