I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
