Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
