My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
