Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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