Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
