Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
