Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
