we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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