"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
