she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
