i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
