He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
