u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
