no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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