i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
