Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
