Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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