I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
