I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
