is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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