I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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