There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
