Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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