At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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