this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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