I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
