I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
