I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
