smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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