My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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