Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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