walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize