I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
