If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
