In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
