oh god the rape fog is back!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
