I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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