So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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