woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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