here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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