dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
