I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
