New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize