He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
