How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
