we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
