i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
