I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
