I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
