I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
