the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
