I hate all girls vehemently.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
