Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
