matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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