Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
