Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
