I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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