This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
