I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize