I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
